My Wife, Cindy

By Mike Grawvunder — Behind the Workshop

A Life Built Together

June 13, 2024 — Today was my wife’s birthday. Cindy turned 65 this year. I teased her that she’s officially old now — LOL — but the truth is, she’s still the same beautiful woman who stole my heart 44 years ago.

We’ve shared a lifetime together — 41 years of marriage filled with laughter, love, struggle, and faith. There have been wonderful times and hard ones. Loving cuddles and knock-down fights. But through it all, God’s love has carried us through.

How It All Began

I met Cindy the week after I turned 19. I thought she was maybe 16 or 17 — so when I found out she was 21, my honest reaction was, “Wow, you’re that old?” Apparently, God and Cindy have a sense of humor, because she married me anyway.

We met on October 21, 1980, and married on May 21, 1983. It was a typical courtship in many ways, but unique in others. Cindy’s family were devoted Christians, and even at 21 she still had to ask permission to go out on dates and be home by curfew. It was strange to me, but also kind of endearing.

That was strange to me. My family were Christians too, but by the time I was 16 or 17, I just told Mom and Dad where I was going and when I’d be home. That was how our family worked.

Looking back, her parents’ rules were funny — though at the time, a bit embarrassing. They were doing their best to raise eight kids to become good adults, and I’ve always admired them for it. I love each of Cindy’s family members immensely and am proud to call them my in-laws.

Cindy and her brother and sisters still laugh about the things her parents did when the kids were dating.

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Courting Days and “The Town Crier”

Cindy’s family lived above her dad’s printing shop. When we came back from dates, we’d sit in the car talking before curfew. But if she lingered too long, her dad, Ken, would yell out the window:

“Cindy, do you know it’s 11:15?”

Every few minutes, he’d shout another update until finally declaring it was time to come in. We laugh about it now, but at the time, it felt like we had our own personal town crier keeping track of us.

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Lessons, Laughter, and a Little Red Pinto

When we first met, I owned a little red 1980 Ford Pinto — my pride and joy — and my first and only brand-new car. It was a stick shift, and Cindy didn’t know how to drive a manual. I offered to teach her. Let’s just say I discovered that my sweet, soft-spoken girl knew words that could make a sailor blush.

She stalled the car over and over near Plaman Park, each time getting more frustrated. And each time, using more colorful words. But she got it eventually — and now, it’s one of those stories that still makes us laugh.

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Early Marriage: Two Strong Wills

Our first years of marriage were, in a word, “interesting.” Cindy came from a strict home and felt free for the first time. I came from a loving family but one where Mom could be stronger in the relationship — and I swore I’d never marry someone like that.

Well, our ideas didn’t exactly line up. We had passionate discussions (read: arguments), and I quickly learned that my 5′ 2″ bride was stronger than she looked. I used to joke about “husband abuse” — that girl could throw a punch!

Once, in the middle of an argument, she locked herself in the bedroom. The lock was just a hook and eye, and the hinges were on my side. So, I popped the pins out to talk. She came out swinging. I held her down on the bed and thought, “You idiot, if you let go, you’re a dead man.”

She settled down and we always found our way back to laughter, forgiveness, and faith.

That was a long apartment with a straight shot from one end to the other through doorways. Cindy loved hiding beside a doorway to scare me when I walked into a room. But that was okay because I did the same to her — and I usually got her more than she got me.

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Growing Together

We did some counseling back then. Our pastor helped us understand that Cindy could express herself freely because she felt safe with me — she knew I loved her and wouldn’t stop loving her. That insight changed everything.

We learned to grow together — to become one.

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A Sofa, a Fan, and the Heat of Summer

The first summer of marriage was a scorcher. No air conditioning — just a tabletop oscillating fan from a wedding gift. Best wedding present ever — 41 years later, it’s still in use.

One night, Cindy pushed me right off the bed. “It’s too hot for both of us,” she said.

So I slept on the couch; it was cooler there anyway — and discovered it was the most comfortable sofa ever made. I swear it was enchanted; every time I sat on it, I fell asleep.

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Regrets and Realizations

Early on, Cindy made me promise I’d never help with house cleaning or dishes. I foolishly agreed.

As the years went by, I did my share of cooking, doing laundry, and doing dishes. But I didn’t help clean the house — at least not very often. Cindy worked part- or full-time most of the years we were married, up to the last 15 years or so, and she did all the house cleaning as well as other things.

But after a few years of marriage, she started asking me to help her clean. I told her I promised that I wouldn’t years ago. I explained that I did the outside stuff and the house was hers. Yes, I know I was a fool.

Years later, when illness forced me to stay home, I saw how hard she had worked all those years — keeping up the house, caring for us, managing everything. I realized how arrogant I had been. I could have shown love by helping her instead of excusing myself with an old promise. How much I regret that now.

I’ve never forgotten that lesson.

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A Hard-Working Woman

Cindy was strong and capable. We ran a small candy-box business together for a while — like a vending machine without the machine. I packed, tracked inventory, and did the bookkeeping; Cindy drove all over Waupaca County and Appleton making deliveries after working third shift as a nurse’s aide.

She loved people — especially the elderly and babies. Her heart for the residents in the dementia wings was incredible, and they loved her back.

One night, two big farmers started fighting in the dementia unit, and Cindy got caught between them trying to protect one from the other. She took a few hits herself but got them separated.

Another time, a 101-year-old woman punched her while refusing to go to bed. Cindy came home with a fat lip — and still managed to laugh about it later.

But the losses were the hardest. The first time one of her residents passed, it happened in her arms. She came home in tears that night, brokenhearted. Her compassion was part of who she was. She got stronger as the years went on, but losing people was always a struggle for her.

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Oil and Water

Cindy and I were often like oil and water in many ways. She came from a loud household as did I. Our style of intense communication was often loud and full-volume — something we both hated but always found ourselves doing. It isn’t something I recommend. A lot of it came from one of us feeling like the other wasn’t hearing what we were saying. I wish we had learned to communicate earlier.

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Finding Balance and Peace

Cindy’s love language was quality time. She once gave me a card that said:

“We need to get away from our busy, hectic schedules and spend some ‘quality time’ together.”

Inside: “I can pencil you in for a few minutes before lunch.”

She signed it, ‘I love you a lot, Cindy.’

That card has hung by my desk for over 30 years — a reminder that she needed me, not just my presence in the same house.

I didn’t realize how important that was for Cindy until I got sick in 2015. I couldn’t work anymore and was always at home. Those were the best years of our marriage, I think.

There was a lot less fighting and we enjoyed being by each other. I started helping more around the house. I had always cooked, but now took on more of the responsibilities.

From then on, I was home full-time also. Cindy loved it. We did things together as we could. Just sitting at the table watching TV was fine for Cindy — we were sitting there together.

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The Long Goodbye

Cindy’s health began declining after 2020 — congestive heart failure, kidney disease, and then, in 2021, early Alzheimer’s.

By 2023, it became clear she needed full-time care. We finally decided that spring it would be best for Cindy to move to a care facility. I could no longer give her the care she needed at home myself. It was a very hard decision.

We had been praying for God to lead us to the place she should go. Her sisters, Colleen and Ellen, were a big help in finding a location for her. It worked out that Cindy went to the place all three of us wanted. The care is great, and she has a wonderful room all to herself — no roommate to share with.

Those first few weeks were heartbreaking. She’d call me crying, asking to come home — sometimes ten times in five minutes. People with dementia need their routine, and we had just turned Cindy’s world upside down. If I took her home, she wouldn’t adjust to her new routine. I visited often and called when she wasn’t calling me.

Over time, she settled in and grew to love it. Now, when I bring her home for a visit, she’s ready to go “back to her girls” by suppertime. That’s where her comfort is now — and that’s okay.

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Our Anniversary Story

For our anniversary in 2023, I thought I’d have Cindy stay overnight at home — something she’d asked for just a month and a half earlier. We planned it all out: I’d pick her up for church Sunday morning; we’d go to a movie in Appleton and then to Red Lobster, one of her favorites. She’d stay overnight and I’d take her back Monday.

Saturday night, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do. She said her “girls” would miss her. I laughed and told her we’d do whatever she wanted. She decided to stay overnight.

Sunday came, and she had her bag ready. We went to church, saw the movie, and enjoyed dinner. While we were eating, she started talking about how much she liked her room and how her friends would miss her. I knew where that conversation was headed. I told her it was fine for her to go back to her “home.”

By the time we got back to Waupaca, she said maybe she’d go home with me after all. I laughed at her being silly and said I thought it would be best for her to go back to her home.

When we arrived, it was suppertime at the home. Even though she’d already eaten, she went straight to the dining room to tell her friends about her day. She was laughing and talking, surrounded by people she loved.

These days it seems strange around the house without her. I still visit three or four times a week. Her long-term memory is still decent, though short-term isn’t. She can ask the same question many times in a short conversation.

We get along great again. There’s no longer the stress of a sick person and caretaker — I can just be Cindy’s husband, who loves her. It’s hard watching what will slowly take my wife from me, but I’ve been so blessed to have had Cindy as my wife.

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The Gift of Prayer

I’ve been blessed beyond words to have Cindy as my wife. God gave her to me in answer to a prayer:

“Lord, give me someone I can love, who will love me, and together we can love You.”

And He did. I met Cindy at a Bible study soon after.

Cindy’s prayers have always been powerful. Once, early in our marriage, we couldn’t afford grapes — my favorite treat. A treat we couldn’t afford in those early years of our marriage.

Cindy prayed, “God, Mike loves grapes. Could you please send some?”

A few days later, a friend came by with several pounds of grapes from a food pantry that had extras to give away. I’ve never forgotten that. And, yes, those grapes tasted fantastic.

Another time we didn’t have enough money for rent and other needs. Cindy prayed and asked God to meet them.

The next morning, someone we knew knocked on our door with an envelope from his daughter.

Cindy was giggling with glee — she knew God had answered. I doubted, thinking maybe fifty or a hundred dollars.

Inside was a note saying that when she’d prayed that morning, she felt God telling her we needed this money. It was exactly what we needed — plus a little more. We hadn’t told anyone but God. I was humbled. I knew then that God heard Cindy when she prayed.

I encourage you to trust God when you pray. And having a praying wife is a good thing — you are blessed to have one.

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A Final Reflection

For those who are married, I pray that you always honor your spouse. Love them. Treat them as you would Christ. And don’t be a dummy like I was for so many years — help them clean the house and do things. May you be blessed in your marriages and lives.

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Update — October 10, 2025

Cindy is still in the nursing home. Her short-term memory is nearly gone, and even her long-term memories are fading. But she still knows me — and I know her.

These days, I visit often. We laugh, we talk, and I remind her of the life we’ve lived. I carry our memories for both of us now.

I hope our story encourages you to love deeply and cherish those closest to you. Because every day together is a gift — one worth remembering, even when one of you can’t.

Although the journey hasn’t always been easy, I wouldn’t trade a single moment of it for anything.

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“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” — Ephesians 5:25

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Need Support?
If you or a loved one are struggling with Alzheimer’s, the Alzheimer’s Association is a wonderful resource for help, information, and encouragement.

Mike Grawvunder writes from his workshop in Wisconsin, blending woodworking, faith, and life lessons learned from over four decades of marriage to his wife, Cindy.